Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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