The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
