Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
