Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
