belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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