non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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