People with herpes should wear stickers.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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