I think im going to throw up on grandma
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
