and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
