just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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