guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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