Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
