Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
