She's JV to your varsity
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
