Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
