I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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