I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
