And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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