so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
