Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
