i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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