I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
