I skipped work to stalk him.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
