she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
