I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
