New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
