I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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