I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
