Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize