sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
