I didn't shave. On purpose
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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