you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
