My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
