Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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