Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
