They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
