So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
