this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
