The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
