Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
