literally had 100 drinks last night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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