So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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