sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
