He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
