Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
