She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
