That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
