so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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