I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
