one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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