the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
