My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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