i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
