so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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