I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
