My nipple is on Facebook.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
