A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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