i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
