Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
