is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
