I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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