he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
