3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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