plz talk dirty to me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
