I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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