Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
