Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
