Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A bitchslap is in order.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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