You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
