I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
