Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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