The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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