I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
