Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize